Why Do We Care Who Cares Less?

 I've probably written about this before, & I'm sure there are dozens (maybe even hundreds!) of articles on this same subject, but I feel it bears repeating. If you've dated anytime in the last, well, ever, I'm sure you've played that game where you pretended to care less than you do about another person. You know, that game where you'll only show you care as much as your person of interest shows they care. I just want to say something about this behavior, just real quick, & then I'm going back to my day. This behavior is stupid. It's childish, it's prideful, & it's selfish. And the sad thing is that we all, at one point or another, have engaged in this behavior. 

It's everywhere, not only with romantic or sexual relationships. I've even seen people do this with their friends. Their FRIENDS. People who are supposed to be there to support you, love you, & accept your love. I don't get this. 

What's the point? Why do we choose to withhold love or affection? How is that better for anyone? Think about how it would feel if someone expressed to you that they cared for you. Think about how it feels to get a message from a friend just saying they miss you & are thinking about you. Why would you hold back from spreading that kind of joy? Does withholding something like that not eat you up inside? It does me. I want the people I love to know they're loved. A person may really need to feel affection right now. Why not give that to them? Why not be the person to put a smile on their face?

Is that the type of person you want to surround yourself with, platonically or romantically? People who are emotionally unavailable & are too proud to show you love? Not me. No, thank you. I do my best to surround myself with people who are beacons of light & love, who are supportive, who are unafraid to give & receive affection. And I try to be that same way for them. Life is so short. Why would we spend any amount of time pretending to love less than we do? Are we so afraid of looking foolish that we are totally fine with standing back & waiting for someone else to make the first move? Or is it that we're so frozen with fear that the person won't return the sentiment, that we decide it's just not worth a blow to our own self-esteem? Or do we just enjoy this head-game?

I've spent a large part of the last few weeks on both sides of this behavior. It's been a huge struggle for me to not be withholding, just because I don't want to admit that I probably care more than another person. I have been proud, my feelings have been hurt, I have been willfully withholding because I'm stubborn & don't want people to know that they could hurt me. That's something I find very interesting, because I am a very, very affectionate person. I'll lock someone I love in a three minute hug if they'll let me, I'll spill my guts for an hour about how wonderful I think someone is. For all of the relationships in my life. I love human contact, & I love spreading love. So, to have been engaged in this type of behavior lately has felt like emotional warfare. And honestly, I feel a little wounded. I cried every day for nearly three weeks, & went back & forth between being open about my feelings & closing myself off because of my own fears. What an awful way to feel, & how distressing to think I may have made someone else feel this way. It weighs heavily on my mind & spirit. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should continue to display affection or adoration for someone if they've expressed discomfort about the issue. You have to understand personal boundaries, as well. But that's not the point of this post. The point is, why waste any of your life not spreading the love you feel? We're not promised tomorrow. How would it feel to know you never told someone how much you love them while you had the chance to do so?

I strive every day to show my love. If I have not done so to you, friends, please know it is not for lack of caring. I love you all so, so much.