Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget things. And some of those times, all I need is a simple reminder & I'm right back on track. Other times, you can remind me all you want, but I still need to remember on my own for it to really click. The last couple of weeks have been filled with an unusual amount of hormones (hello, tears!), pain medication, very little sleep, extreme physical discomfort, & an emotional roller coaster that is still running. I have forgotten a lot in such a short amount of time, & today I started thinking about a few of the things that I sometimes forget when things get a little too stressful or emotional for me.

Sometimes I forget that not everyone feels things as intensely as I do. I've always been a very emotional person, though a lot of the time, I try to hide that. Just about everything I feel is 110%. Sometimes, when I'm really caught up in something, I forget that not everyone feels things as strongly as I do. Sometimes I let that hurt my feelings, until I'm reminded that I'm just a more emotional person than most others.

Sometimes I forget that people don't always prioritize the same way. I'm a very passionate person, & that comes through in every area of my life. If something is important to me, no matter how busy I am, I'll make time for it. Even if it means less sleep than I would want, or not getting to sit on my couch with my dog watching Netflix, which is mainly what I want to do 70% of the time. I tend to forget that people have different ways of dealing with things, & that prioritizing means different things to different people.

Sometimes I forget that it's not selfish to have self-respect. I tend to go out of my way for people. I will sometimes let people walk all over me, because I enjoy being there for them. Like most people, conflict is not one of my favorite things. So, sometimes I feel selfish for taking up for myself when things are too much for me. When someone goes too far, there tends to be a conflict in my mind between "am I just being selfish?" & "I deserve better than that." I don't like to think of myself as a selfish person, even though I can be at times (who isn't?). That's not a way I want to be viewed. However, everyone deserves to be treated fairly, & to be able to stand up for themselves, & that's something I tend to forget when dealing with others not treating me fairly. That's not selfish. After all, if you don't respect yourself, you can't expect others to respect you either. And sometimes I forget that it's okay - maybe even healthy - to be just a little bit selfish.

Sometimes I forget to breathe. Taking a deep breath helps with most things frustrating. And I know this. But when emotions are high, I forget to do it at first. I forget when I'm worried I might cry in front of someone. Or when I'm worried I might throw something. Or when something so wonderful is happening that I just can't believe it. I also forget to breathe when I'm holding an extra-hard yoga pose & when I'm watching the swimming portions of the Olympics.

Sometimes I forget that I am worthy. I've written before about dealing with feelings of worthlessness. This is an aspect of my life that I work on every single day, whether I'm feeling worthless that day or not. Sometimes I worry that I'll feel this way for the rest of my life. And I'm proud to say that more often than not, I'm happy & healthy & just dandy. But sometimes it can be so easy to lose sight of the positive attributes I have. I can downplay with the best of them, & it's easiest to do when I'm the subject. I can force myself to forget that people can have things to offer me, & sometimes I forget that I have things to offer other people.

And then sometimes I remember that I forgot these things, remember to breathe, reevaluate my circumstances, & remember how wonderfully content I am in this moment. I remember that the way I do things is what makes me unique, down to how deeply I feel everything. I remember how much progress I've made, & how strong that makes me feel. I remember how loved I am. I remember how much worse I could have it. I remember that I'm not worthless, if for no other reason than that I'm a human being, & that I can have self-respect without feeling guilty or selfish. After all, the last couple of weeks have also been filled with filming, writing, business lunches for my start-up, laughs, love, & puppy snuggles. Lots & lots of puppy snuggles.