Bye, 2016

I've seen a lot of people posting about how awful 2016 has been, & how glad they are to be rid of it tonight. I agree completely that 2016 was a total shit year for politics & the poster year for awesome celebrities who left us too soon. A lot of us have experienced heartache over seeing our friends, family, or even ourselves experience harassment for just being who we are, as many people with hate in their hearts become braver & more outspoken about proclaiming their hate. This year started with so much hope, & to a lot of us, feels like it's ending with the country (or world) heading into certain disaster. I, personally, dread what the coming four years in our country will look like politically, but I am looking forward to seeing so many people fight to keep the country a place of equality & hope. I also can't wait to join them. 

However, other than all that, 2016 has been very generous to me. Far better than I anticipated when it started. I'd like to take an opportunity to list a few things I'm thankful for in 2016, in no particular order. 

• This is pretty obvious: Jared. I never dreamed someone could be so good to me. He treats me like an equal, & respects my autonomy. I spent most of the year falling in love with someone who is smart, kind, creative supportive, mega talented, & handsome AF, amongst many other admirable qualities. And the later part of the year falling in love with his sweet, adorable family. Jared is genuinely a wonderful person, & makes me thankful every day to have him in my life in any capacity, but extra thankful that he is my person. I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for us. 

• Filmmaking. This year, not only did I get to work with a kick-ass writing team, wildly talented cast, & incredibly hardworking crew to make the second season of Bug Spoon; I also got to travel to a place I'd never been because the first season made it into a festival. Not only that, we won an award for it! As hard as we worked on season one, I truly believe the cast & crew deserve it, & am so excited about season two. Background People also has a short film being shot next month, & I'm stoked for another opportunity to work alongside people I both admire & adore. 

• Theatre. Birmingham theatre is where I found the majority of my adopted family. I am so thankful for the good friendships I have made in that community, & for the opportunities I've been given within it. I was handed two opportunities to direct this year, & was even fortunate enough to be in another show alongside so many people I adore. And on top of all that, I am now on the board of the theatre I consider to be a second home. 

• Work. So very thankful to work in a place with people with whom I get along, & to have a boss who is so kind & understanding. Also, in this day & age, anyone with employment should consider themselves lucky, & I lucked out landing this job. 

• My car. I did a big kid this year & bought a car. It needs a lot of love & is about a decade old, but I'm thrilled to have it, nonetheless. I'm thankful for the opportunity provided to me, & that I was able to take it. 

• My furry babies. We added a new baby to the family this year, & he is a perfect fit. He loves Lola so much, & tolerates me because I also belong to Lola. In all seriousness, he is a sweet little love bug who has a beautiful meow, & Lola & I are thankful for him all the time. 

I'm sure there are so many things I'm missing. There was so much this year that I had to be thankful for. Here's to 2017, hoping we can stay out of nuclear war long enough to make it to another New Years celebration! 

Menace to Society

The guy who was calling me, the one I filed a harassment report for, the one who Birmingham PD wouldn't help me get a name for, the same guy they told me I'd have to wait until it escalates to stalking or physical contact before it would be worth doing anything about... He called me again Monday night. From a jail. We called to report it. I gave all the detailed information I could give, & they told me they'd look into it. Still haven't heard anything. I emailed the administrator listed on the jail website today, with detailed information. I pleaded in the email for help. I doubt I'll hear anything back. What's frustrating is this time there's no way that they can't figure out who it is. Birmingham PD could have helped me figure out who it was months ago, but no one wanted to make the phone call it would have taken to get the name. It wasn't exciting enough. No one wanted to do the paperwork. One officer told me to see if I could get it trumped up to a stalking charge, because that would be a felony & actually worth pursuing. When I went to file the report, the officer taking my information actually laughed at the situation. I persisted until it was more than obvious that no one was going to help. I called number after number. On one lunch break, I called so many people that I broke down & cried at one woman who tried to divert me back to the first person I spoke with. I had been sent in a circle, chasing my tail in a search for someone who cared about my safety enough to make one phone call. 

I still don't know who this person is, what he knows about me, or how dangerous he is. I don't know how long he was or will be in that jail. I don't know how he got my number. I do know that he knows I filed a police report earlier this year. I told him once when he called, & he denied having called me before. The calls ceased for a few months. I do know that he is actively trying to make me feel unsafe. I told him to fuck off once when he called me at 11:30 at night, & he started yelling immediately. He then called me multiple times following that call, all of which I ignored until he stopped. I do know that if he is bold enough to call me from a jail, then he is not afraid of consequences. And I know that he feels safe enough in our justice system to actually call me from a jail. Why shouldn't he feel secure in the fact that no one will care? No one has yet. 

While seeking recommendations for self-defense classes (because at this point, it's a necessity), one man told me to stay out of dangerous situations. What am I supposed to do that I haven't already done, aside from cowering in my home, that keeps me out this dangerous situation? I have done my part & asked law enforcement multiple times to do theirs. They have laughed at me, treated me like a nuisance, & passed me off to the next person until I had almost no fight left. They have told me that my case is not worth pursuing, because he has not escalated, rather than helping me prevent him from doing so. My case is more exciting if I'm injured or dead. It's hard to feel like you've really saved someone who is taking control of a situation for herself. It's just some guy making phone calls right now, so who cares? But that expired car tag? Oh, yeah, we'll need two officers for that traffic stop. There's where the real menace to society lives. 

Thoughts on the Bathroom Debacle

The following are genuine thoughts & questions I have concerning this whole ridiculous mess:

Stop using my safety as an excuse for your hatred. 

If conservative men are suddenly so concerned about making this world a safer place for women, why don't they focus on the streets? Public parking decks? Bars? Their own houses? If they're so worried about women & children being preyed upon, why not try to prosecute those who have actually assaulted someone? I get the feeling it's because they'll find that most of the people they'd be prosecuting are cisgender straight men, & it seems to me that most conservative men aren't interested in that kind of justice. 

Why not acknowledge the fact that sexual assault on college campuses is rampant? Because so far, no conservative politician has raised a fuss about that. 

Why not fight rape culture, if you're so concerned for the safety of the women you know? Stand up against street harassment. Fight unfair laws that allow a rapist to see a child he fathered as a result of sexual assault. Stop asking women what they were wearing, if they were drinking, how many partners they'd had in the past. Act as though they're a victim of the rapist, not of their own actions. 

I personally have never felt unsafe in a public restroom because another woman was in there, trans or cis. Places I have felt threatened: Walking down the street going about my own business, walking to the tanning salon across the street with my friend when I was 16, in a bar when a guy wouldn't accept that I didn't have any interest in him, at a party in a friend's house, in a distant relative's living room when I was a child & all he had to say was he "didn't remember" to make my side of the story suddenly disappear, in a public parking deck when two men followed me to my car & only fled when another car turned their lights on them, backstage during a performance, walking to my apartment/dorm/house from my car. All of these are places I have feared for my safety. Never have I felt unsafe in any place because a trans woman was present. I have felt unsafe plenty of places in the presence of cisgender straight men. 

If a man is going to just dress in drag to go into a bathroom & assault women, 1) they don't count as a trans woman, & therefore your hate is misplaced; & 2) a law isn't going to stop them from doing that. 

If you're so concerned with stopping the sexual assault of women, maybe you should start by showing that you won't stand for assault by your own kind. End the substantial backlog of rape kits. End the stigma that rape victims brought it on themselves. End the rape culture that you perpetuated. 

Either start there, or stop using women as an excuse for your hatred. Because if you only care about our safety in public restrooms, then it's not really about our safety. Just like it wasn't about water fountains in the 1960s.