Trying to Stay Afloat

Well, guys... I officially have no more budget for May. I have no idea how I'll be buying food or gas until June. I missed two days of work last month for a best friend's wedding festivities, & went home early a few afternoon & missed one other day because of the week-long tension headache I had. That tension headache has now returned because... (drum roll please!!)... my paycheck was short about 200 bucks. I paid my rent & power bill, bought gas once, groceries once, & renewed Lola's eye drop prescription, & now I'm officially broke. I have $30 I got from selling shoes, which will get me almost 3/4 of a tank of gas. I am totally freaking out, & it's taking a huge toll on my body. I stay nauseous most of my days, & my tension headaches have gotten pretty bad again.

I've been applying for some other jobs. I love my job & the people there, & I would hate to have to leave. However, lately I feel it's been made pretty apparent that there won't be any raises anytime soon, & I can't afford to live on what I'm making now. It feels right now like a no-win situation, & it upsets me very much.

However, I am trying my best to keep a positive attitude about everything. Nearly everyone right now is going through some sort of financial hardship. Besides, whenever I feel like I'm going to starve, I have loving family & friends that help me out. This isn't the end of the world. Like I always tell myself when things start looking this way, "Things will work out." It's so simple, so reassuring, & nearly always turns out to be true.

It's easy lately to feel down on myself, with the inability to say how I'll be filling my car up or eating in the last part of the month added in with the break-up. My self-esteem is wavering; one day feeling like I can do anything, feeling utterly & completely worthless the next. It's the result of several variables in my life. I am thankful to have the support system I have. Loving family & friends, who keep me more in the up than the down. I am thoroughly blessed.

And of course, Miss Lola, who seems much more playful lately. She is happier that I'm home more now, I think. Yesterday, I was sick all day, & she stayed right by my side. We snuggled through hours of naps, & she brought me some toys to play with when I was awake. She was taking care of me. Haha. With a caretaker like that, it's nearly impossible to stay upset for long!!

I'm off to have dinner & do some sink laundry.

Love Love Love